everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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