I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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