Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
