Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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