Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
