Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
