I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
