now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
