I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
