Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
