And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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