he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
