Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
