sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
