Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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