Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
