totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
