he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
