i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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