this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
