On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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