I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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