I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
