Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
