The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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