hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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