Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We need a shit load of segways right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
