: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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