Pants 0. Shit 1.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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