We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
