Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I understand Curling. That high.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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