Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
