If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
