you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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