This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
