her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
