i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
