Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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