So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
