Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
