so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
