I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
