hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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