What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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