I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
