I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Congratulations! We have a period
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