I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
