youre lurking in front of me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
