I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He felt like a one man threesome
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
