Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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