Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
